The Lost Art of Listening

In a scene from M. Night Shyamalan's movie "Signs," young Morgan played by Rory Culkin takes a baby monitor and stands on top of the family car with his arm stretched high in the sky. From the monitor's little speaker come the sounds of clicks and static. Twisting his hand just a little and the static fades and the clicks become clearer.

Here is a transcript of the conversation that takes place:

  It's just static, Morgan, all right.

  Turn it up. 

  See. It's a code.
  Can I see that, please?

  It's noise. 

  It's broken, Morgan. 

  It's just gonna keep doing this. 

  Maybe some new batteries... 

  We might lose the signal. 

  This is exactly what the nerds want. 

  I'm getting out now. 

  Nobody move. 

  Voices. Did you hear that? 

  Not English, though. 

  You heard the voices, right, Uncle Merrill? 

  I heard them, Morgan. Probably picking up another baby monitor. 

  That's right. 

  Let me see it. 

  Stop! See, this is why we're not watching TV. People get obsessed. 

  I'm letting go now. 

  No, Dad! Don't do it! You'll lose the signal. 

  Don't let go. It gets clearer the higher you hold it. 

  I got it. 

  Bo, honey, I don't want you climbing on the car. 

  Come here. 

  Stop! There's two of them talking.

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It takes effort to listen. It takes even more effort to understand.

The Growth Coach promotes the READ model when interacting with people in a sales process. The acronym identifies the first part of the sales process as Relate and Establish the Need. In other words, it's about listening. Asking the right questions in the right way and listening to the answers. Simple.

Why is it so hard? That's one question for the philosophers and therapists to answer.

Michael Maslansky, in his book "The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics," offers 3 Rules of Engagement that guide a person to improve listening / understanding:

Rule #1: Understand Their Truth
Make sure you have a clear picture of your audience. Make the effort to think from their perspective. Accept their worldview and then use your understanding to engage in a dialogue.

Rule #2: Find Common Ground
"You must get people to listen to what you're saying before you can have a dialogue. Otherwise, you'll have two monologues," Maslansky says astutely. Raise your hand if you have been to a networking event that illustrates his point. Before we can move to messages that persuade, sell or change attitudes we must seek common ground.

Rule #3: Ask and You Shall Receive

It used to be true to say, "The more you tell, the more you sell." The new rule appears to be, "The more you ask, the more you engage." The questions to ask to engage in a dialogue are:

• The questions you don't know the answers to 
• The questions that allow you to hear what the individual wants (as opposed to what he will buy) 
• The questions that permit the individual to set the agenda 
• The questions that are open-ended 

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Someone once said, "A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet." Engaging people as "friends you haven't met yet" starts to build those essential long-term relationships that we want for attaining new levels of success.

Alan Furst
The Growth Coach
A.Furst@theGrowthCoach.com